My story surrounds a religious group that defines themselves as the IFB, short for Independent Fundamental Baptists, but this is most certainly not the only source of spiritual abuse that exists today. Nor is it to say that every member of the IFB is a spiritual abuser. There are many religious groups that place a man or woman as the mouth piece of God and grant themselves authority to manipulate Scripture. They have identified areas of the Bible where they believe God didn’t adequately define how he wanted His followers to live and they fill in this perceived absence with their own set of rules and standards. This creates a blur between what is God said and what man said. If a human takes on the authority of God through persuasive language and misinterpretation of Scripture, that person has the power to abuse those that recognize their authority, not only spiritually, but with many other forms of abuse as well.

I wasn’t raised in the IFB community, I married into it, not knowing that it was toxic and abusive community. There are many activists currently bringing awareness to abuses within the IFB and IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles) movements, voices of survivors who grew up in these religious communities, but the damage of false teaching spreads beyond those caught in the teaching. I am one of those people and I believe the most dangerous aspect of that for me was not having anyone that could point out the errors, clearly label it as false teaching and warn me to stay far away from it.
The Bible is packed full of warnings about false teachers and it is there that I found truth, courage and healing. I will sound the warning as boldly as I can so others won’t be deceived by Satan in the same way. It is my desire that the truth of God’s Word will reveal where Scripture has been twisted and God’s character has been misrepresented and will expose those false teachings. I am praying for the opportunity to engage in healthy dialogue, increase spiritual sight and discernment and to strengthen genuine Christ-followers in the unhindered presentation of truth.

I am in the process of writing a book, telling the story of abuse that first began with spiritual abuse. I married a man, named Caleb, in January of 2020. He grew up in the IFB as a missionary kid, living in Chile till he was a young teenager. He had been immersed in IFB teachings his whole life and while I came to see a side of him that was unkind, controlling, hypocritical and abusive, he was not so different than many other men (and even women) that I had encountered in the IFB community. How could he see a true reflection of his behavior when the behavior of those in his circles looked so similar to his own?

While I knew Caleb’s church experience was different than mine, I didn’t think it was significant. It did not take long to realize that I had made a grave misjudgment that would cost me dearly. When I married Caleb, he was divorced with 6 kids and I was a widow with 8 kids (only 4 still at home). By the end of 2 years, I was begging God to rescue me and all the children. I could see no escape. I had called the police multiple times, the children had reported to Child Protective Services, I had sought help from everyone I thought could offer help and it was only getting worse. Little did I know then that there was far more concealed than I knew and it would get so much worse.

Before the end of the third year, I learned that my husband had sexually abused many small children on an ongoing basis in his teen years until he was removed from his home and placed in an IFB boy’s home. For a few months, I was in shock. I didn’t doubt the victims stories, it was just so hard to hear that I couldn’t process the information. I wanted it to be lies, but Caleb confirmed it. He said he had repented and I wanted to believe it was over, part of his past never to rise again, but I had no idea how to come to terms with that, especially knowing how much it cost those he abused. The scars were permanent and the hurt ran deep.

Within a short time, I heard more than my heart could bear. He had abused his first wife, imprisoned her in their home, and been sexually deviant and unfaithful for all of their marriage. The climax was when his pastor called to tell me that Caleb had sexually harassed a woman in the church. As hard as it was to learn so much in such a short time, I am glad that is how God allowed it to happen. It was like a blind fold was ripped from my eyes and I immediately saw the gravity of my situation.

Caleb filed for divorce 2 ½ years after we were married. As painful as every part of this was, it pales in comparison to the loss of his children. I love them like they are my own. I spent every day, all day with them, as I was a home school mom. In that time, we had poured through God’s Word together and I had revealed to them the truth in the Bible that was contrary to what they were taught in the IFB church. They embraced it, gathered courage and began to unravel their own history and share the painful journey they had experienced. I was proud of them, and I admired their strength and dignity. I love them still and I praise God the story isn’t over.

It is not my belief that Caleb or the IFB intentionally promote doctrine that is false and leads people away from true intimacy with Christ. In fact, I believe Caleb did many of the things he did in an effort to conform his family to the expectations of his church. I believe they are all deceived by the enemy, who is a far greater liar and manipulator than they can ever be.

2 Corinthians 11:15 says, “And no wonder for Satan himself masquerades as a servant of righteousness.”

Satan expertly mixes lies in with truth until they are no longer discernible. Only by knowing God better through His Word can his followers recognize the schemes of the enemy. This is a spiritual war against an unseen enemy destroying humans under the guise of “super Christianity”. While I cannot tell this story without revealing the humans involved, they are not my target. You will likely not encounter any of the individuals in my story or attend the mentioned churches, but you will most certainly encounter the evil one who “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8). It is his lies that need to be exposed.

Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

My desire is to be a loud voice for truth. I expect to release my book by the end of the year. In the meantime, I welcome you to engage with me on my social media, website and podcasts.

I know I am not alone, and many others are confused, hurt and desiring community and understanding. If this is you, I am sorry for what you are experiencing. I want to connect with you and hear your story. If you are a survivor and you have found healing, I would love to be encouraged by your story as well! God is a good and kind defender. He hates abuse. He has heard me and healed me and I so eager to point the way to Him,